I wanted to wait a while before writing about this, because honestly, it’s been just too painful to think about. The girl who threw my bachelorette party decided one day, out of the blue, that she would block me on Facebook to let me know that she didn’t want to be friends anymore. No text, no phone call, no explanation, nothing. I texted her and asked why she blocked me (the way I found out was that I found a funny story I thought she would enjoy, and when I went to tag her in it, her name didn’t show up, so I asked my husband to look her up, to see if it was just me or if she had deleted/disabled her account. It was just me.) and she told me that I was a negative influence in her life, and that she didn’t need it.
So here we go: I understand that it’s not easy being friends with someone who has major depression and anxiety disorders. I understand that I’m not always the easiest to get along with and can be a hot-head. But apparently this whole thing happened because I wasn’t grateful enough for the bachelorette party (that sucked), and because I didn’t go to her birthday party after my bridal shower. I was having dinner with my mother whom I see once a year, and my maid of honor, who is also my sister-in-law whom I hadn’t seen since Christmas of 2012. I’m sorry I missed your last birthday in San Diego. I’m sorry my sister-in-law set our bridal shower for the same day you were having your party because it was the only break she had between her business trip to Dallas and flying back home. This girl sees her family… I’ve got to say at least monthly, because they always seem to be down here (hell, they were apparently the reason she had to leave my bachelorette party early, because they just drove to her house, assuming she had no plans, and called her when they couldn’t get in).
I didn’t even know she even cared that much, because she never bothered to call or text to find out when/if I was still coming. The way she puts it, she was pining at the door all night like a dog left home alone, and I know that’s not what she did. That’s not her.
I’m pretty sure she was looking for excuses to dump me as a friend, which is pretty stupid, if you ask me. If you don’t want to hang out with someone, don’t! You don’t have to be all dramatic about it and drag it out! You don’t agree to be a bridesmaid, attend their wedding, and then a month later tell them to fuck off! I can’t even look at my wedding photos or watch my video because she’s in everything. I can’t even put together an album, or submit my wedding to blogs, or enjoy any of that post-wedding warm fuzzy feeling because I’m so pissed that she’s this selfish and immature.
And she is. I may come off as selfish, but it’s mostly because I have strong opinions and can just be arrogant sometimes, but I’m anything but selfish. The night I missed her party, I was going to lose either way. I was either going to feel like crap because I was missing her party, or feel like crap because my sister-in-law was here and I wasn’t spending time with her that I should because I never see her. So I made a choice, and I chose family, and apparently that was the wrong choice, in her eyes. So fuck it. I have no interest in having to coddle and baby some chick who can’t get her own shit together, and who I’m pretty certain harbors a lot of jealousy toward me (at least according to several friends and family members, who offer up some good points). Don’t be jealous of other people and what they have and where they are in life. Treat them as mentors, make your own damn goals, and do whatever the hell you want. I’m sorry that I got married before you. I’m sorry that I was able to pay for a gorgeous wedding and a brand new car within a month of each other. I’m sorry that I’m getting my Master’s degree and you’re not. I’m sorry that you don’t have the things that you want, and I apparently do, and somehow that makes your hurt feelings my fault. I’m sorry!
What’s that phrase, when God closes a door, he opens a window? Well, I’m flopping my way through the open window (I can’t do it gracefully, you know, I’m fat and broken), and I’m working on spending time with the people who are still here, and make me happy to be around, and who I absolutely adore. Ironically, the first three who come to mind were all in our wedding as well, ha! So at least we made a few good choices, right??
Good luck, J. I’ve heard you’re moving back home to take advantage of a job offer. I hope you find what you’re looking for and that you’re happy with your choices.