So, after six years of living in various places around San Diego (Point Loma, Spring Valley, National City, Mission Valley, and now Encanto), I have determined that no one knows how to drive! the following is a list (in progress) of stupid things I see California drivers doing on the road. Feel free to add your own anecdotes in the Comments section…
1. Merging/turning without signaling. Seriously. Are you people aware that all cars now come standard with blinkers??
2. Not turning on lights in the rain. Hey. Asshole in the grey car in front of me. You’re lucky I didn’t run you over last weekend in that rainstorm.
3. Slowing down to rubberneck at accidents. They happen all the time, and are caused by people like you that don’t pay the fuck attention. Eyes on the road.
4. Taking up extra parking. Whether its parking over the line in a lot or not pulling all the way forward/back on the street, I fucking hate you people for taking up more space than your faggy little compact needs to.
5. Going berserk when it rains. Yes, when it first starts to rain, you need to slow down because of the accumulation of oils on the road, but must you go three miles an hour in the fast lane of the highway?? And likewise, why do you think it’s a good idea to go 90 when it’s pouring? Hydro planing is real. And it’s why your ass is embedded in a guard rail and you are now facing the wrong way on the 15…
6. Not having a goddamn clue where you’re going. Dude, stop going from the left turn lane to the right (and vice-versa) and then getting stuck diagonally across traffic and being in my way. I drive a Jeep with two already-fucked-up bumpers, I will drive into your ass to get through.
7. Not turning on your lights at night. I know there’s streetlights and shit everywhere, I know you can see, but we can’t see you, headlights and tail lights are not only for your own convenience, you dig?
8. Cutting across five lanes of traffic because you’re about to miss your exit. Take the next one, wtf is wrong with you?
9. Blasting gangster music in residential areas. No one wants to hear your shitty music. Turn it down before I dig up my “Spice World” album and battle your weak ass system.
10. Leaving 20 feet of space between you and the guy in front of you at a stop light. I could fit three of my Wrang in there, move it up.
11. People that park up your ass at stoplights. I drive stick. I will purposefully roll into you, fucker, and it’ll be your fault.
12. People that think their tiny sedan is a pickup. Get the shit. Off of your roof. And out of your trunk, where it doesn’t fit. And call a friend or rent a truck. Stop being so goddamn ghetto.
13. People who are on their cellphones/listening to headphones while driving. Are you kidding me?? It’s illegal because it’s not safe! I hope a tractor-trailer flattens you dumb fucks because it’s breaks are out and you can’t hear it cuz you’ve got all this shit in your ears. Listen to the radio or a CD like a normal person.
14. People that put their dogs in the back of their truck beds. I want to kill you motherfuckers. Seriously. I’ll take the damn dog if you don’t want it, stop treating the poor animal like freight.
15. People that key my car. Fuck you.
16. People that steal my shit when my top’s down. Fuck you too.
17. City Bus drivers. Do I really need to elaborate?
18. People that stop on railroad tracks. I hope you die, it would be really entertaining.
19. When the traffic light at an intersection is not working (blinking) or completely out, you still have to stop! Treat it like a four-way, and rotate around, don’t just go flying through and almost t-bone me!
20. People that run stoplights, that seems to be pandemic around here, and it’s driving me insane!
21. When everyone at an intersection is trying to go the same way, and traffic totally gets backed up, and the second the light turns yellow, it clears out.
That’s all I’ve got so far, any additions?