I’ve been a member of My Fitness Pal (www.myfitnesspal.com) for a while, but I stopped using it (I have no idea why, but my guess would be too much partying over the summer and I just got lazy about logging stuff, which led to the total breakdown of my system…) and I now have to start from square one. Actually, it might even be less than square one, because I’m pretty sure I actually weigh more than I did when I started the first time. Fuck.
But that’s okay, I’ve cleared out the old and started anew, and I’ve spent two days tracking my calories in my food diary (boo!) and tonight I had an awesome workout using Kinect Adventures with Dave for two hours (yay!). The cool thing is that as much as calorie counting sucks, working out gives me such a boost that I suddenly don’t mind it that much – I’m not even hungry, and I only had about 1300 calories today!
But that’s me; for some reason, whenever I work out, I completely lose my appetite. I know, it’s weird. Most people I know are absolutely voracious after burning off a ton of calories, but not me. That’s why in high school and all through boot camp I was sooooo skinny! I was walking/running around all day and either getting PT’d/IT’d or playing sports for hours a day. In high school, I would eat a bowl of Fruit Loops for lunch, and that would be all I would eat all day. In boot camp, I was forced to at least eat something (which sucked, I can’t eat when I’m not hungry, unless I’m bored, and you’re never bored in boot camp!) and I found that when I was walking around with my canteen belt that I had to wear it on my natural waist and push my stomach out or else it would rub uncomfortably on my protruding hip-bones. The day I realized that I was so shocked that I wasn’t paying attention to where I was marching and fell in a pothole, rupturing my fibula, and I had to be carried by a couple of guys to Medical. I felt so terrible as they ran (yes, ran) with me in a four-handed seat carry, but I gotta say, it was pretty exhilarating being carried by two huge prospective SEALS that are running full-tilt together! I kept apologizing, and finally one of them said: “Parent, seriously, you don’t weigh a damn thing, shut up.” So I did, and they got me to Medical in time for them to double-time to chow with time to eat with the division 🙂
But I digress!
I want to get back down to my boot camp size (I would say weight, but I have no idea what I weighed, 115, 120 maybe? Less than I weigh now.) and I have a feeling that I’ll be a much happier person. I don’t feel like going anywhere anymore. I don’t want to go clubbing or bar-hopping, I just don’t want people to see me, and it sucks. When I was in shape, I went out all the time! You couldn’t keep me out of the clubs! For the longest time, I thought I didn’t go anymore because I was getting too old for that stuff, but now I know the real reason: my confidence varies inversely with my weight. Meaning that the more I weigh, the less confidence I have, and therefore the less desire I have to be in social situations. I just want to be happy, and I want Dave to be happy. I don’t want him to have to keep dealing with how insecure and lame I’ve become. Well, that and I also want him to know that I will look smashing in a wedding gown, if and when he asks me…
Omg, speaking of that!
No, he didn’t ask me, don’t get excited.
But I did convince him to go to this restaurant called Humphreys By the Bay (www.humphreysbythebay.com)
I found it while I was wandering around Point Loma when I was stationed on the ASW Base for school. I never actually ate there, or stayed in the hotel, or saw any concerts, but I always thought it was wonderful because it reminded me of Thailand (well, not when I first saw it, I hadn’t been to Thailand yet) where we officially became a couple on Halloween, 2008.
So we went and had dinner, which was great, and afterward we walked around to the front of the hotel (which is the above picture) so I could show him how it looks like the prow of a Polynesian ship (doesn’t it???). Then we found a winding path that led by the pool, through the jungle-like vegetation, over a small footbridge above a koi pond (with massive koi!) and led out onto the concert green, which I thought would be awesome for a reception if we got a big band to play (I’m thinkin’ Bowling for Soup, don’t laugh, they do weddings, I checked!). All in all, it was a great night, and I really hope to go back again, lots of times, and especially when we finally decide to get married (which will be whenever we’re both making more money – for him, June, for me… I have no clue. I know I’m getting the GI Bill in July, but I’m not sure if that will be “enough” for Dave to feel financially secure planning what will probably end up being a $20,000-$40,000 wedding. I’m not cheap). Overall, an awesome couple of days, I haven’t felt this good in a long time 🙂