babies vs career

I finally figured it out. Why I keep randomly getting upset that Dave and I aren’t married and I’m not pregnant. There is, in fact, a reason. A stupid, hormone-ridden, girly reason, but a reason nonetheless…

I’m about to attend college full-time for the first time since 2005. It’s scary! I looked up all of my professors on, and two of them look like they’re really tough, one of those because she’s simply a terrible teacher, and I’m debating dropping her class because of it. I realized that the college I was intending to transfer to didn’t have my major, and I really started to doubt if I would ever get a job in Human Resources.

That was about the time the crazy baby thoughts started. Author John Grogan who wrote Marley and Me calls it the “Baby Thing,” and I’m beginning to see that pretty much all women, even independent, educated, anti-child women like me, have the Baby Thing. I would suddenly be gripped by horrific thoughts of my eggs dying, and being too advanced in my Dysplasia to have children, and doubt Dave’s commitment to me, wondering why we’re not engaged yet. (Incidentally, I finally got the courage to ask him and his answer made so little sense, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.) I would simply start freaking out about the Baby Thing. For absolutely no reason whatsoever.

So, last night I was exhausted, I went upstairs early and was surfing the net on my iFail trying to get tired enough to sleep. I started looking at programs for Human Resources Training Coordinators; job descriptions, websites with resources for those in the field, and I found exactly what I was looking for: Argosy University in Mission Valley has a Business Administration BS with a concentration in Human Resources, and they even have a dynamic program that branches out quite a bit into the bigger picture. I love it. It seems like the perfect program for me; and then I found the American Society for Training and Development (ASTD) online. They have so many seminars and classes just for people in training and development careers, I have a feeling I’ll have enough GI Bill left over to take at least three classes, and once I’ve exhausted the GIB, I get my $1,200.00 back from my Montgomery GIB pay-in, and that should cover one more class.

So, once again, I’m confident about my education/career plan, and guess what? The Baby Thing has gone dormant. I keep thinking about the amazing things I could do with this job and the idea of children just gets pushed to the back of my mind, where it belongs. After all, I’m only 26, that’s not that old, right? Most men don’t even start thinking about marriage until they’re 28-32, and that’s not that long. I’ll be 28 when I graduate, and it would be nice to use the skills I learned a bit before succumbing to the Baby Thing and becoming a stay-at-home mother (something I refuse to compromise on, my babies will be raised by me and I’ll get a job again once they’re all in school).

So Dave has dodged another bullet, this time, and I’m sure he’ll be relieved when I don’t mention marriage, babies, or weddings for a while, at least until my next identity crisis… 😉


2 thoughts on “babies vs career

  1. Chad says:

    Maybe if you stop asking Dave why u guys are not married or engaged…..he will ask u.

  2. Lena says:

    Well, I don’t think I was being obsessive or hysterical with it, but I did spend a lot of time thinking about it. We really only had one or two conversations that weren’t just random wedding ideas, which he doesn’t seem to get mad at, actually. He entertains my girlish fantasies of where and how I would like our wedding to be with a lot of grace, especially considering how obsessive I am about having a perfect wedding. He only got uncomfortable the few times that I hinted that I am now at the point that I’m actually waiting for it. And it didn’t help that my mother called me on Christmas demanding to know whether or not he “put a ring on it”. I’m not one of those girls, I’m not. But when I had no idea what I was doing in terms of a job or school, I started to feel insecure, and I believe that my unconscious self thinks that getting married will fix that feeling. It won’t, I know that, I’ve been down that road before, but for some reason, the back of my brain says “get married! It will fix everything! Promise!” And lets not forget the little issue of my Dysplasia; it’s a terrible subject, but my days of fertility are limited. Would I have a problem adopting? Absolutely not, I would love to adopt, and am hoping to do foster care later in life for teens. But there is a small part of me that really wants to go through what every other mother does, and if there’s any chance that I can, I want to take that chance, and not let it slip away because for whatever reason, Dave’s feet stay cold until I’m goddamn 35 and have already had a hysterectomy…

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